


Trusting you

by boleyn13



Series: Let's be lonely together [4]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Bit of Fluff, Developing Relationship, Friends to Lovers, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Roommates, Tony and Loki are both screwed up people
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-10
Updated: 2017-10-10
Packaged: 2019-01-15 16:17:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12324504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boleyn13/pseuds/boleyn13
Summary: "Hell, we’re friends! Sometimes friends talk about stuff!”“You are never going to learn your lesson, are you?”“What is that supposed to mean?”“Any reasonable person would know better after being beaten up and left for dead by their friends. Yet you cling to me, wanting me to fill the hole they left behind. I’m not going to do that. We are not friends, Stark.”“Now you are doing it. That’s the way you know you can hurt me. Why the hell do you want to hurt me?Tony wants Loki to be more than just his roommate. Unfortunately too much has happened to them to make this an easy task.





	Trusting you

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everybody,
> 
> Part IV :) Now that was quick ;P
> 
> Have fun

Loki was teaching himself how to play guitar. Tony didn’t know why, but he had pictured him more as the piano kind of guy. Granted, he would have been pissed if Loki had just put a piano in his living room. A guitar took up way less space. This had been going on for a week now and Tony thought that Loki was getting pretty good. Easy melodies, nothing fancy, but everything Tony did was accompanied by soft background music.

The new thing that Tony had learned during the week was awfully simple – a guitar in his arms made Loki more attractive. It was a very nice picture, watching him like that. Sitting on the couch in the lotus position, tuning the guitar, a perfectly calm expression on his face.

It was completely ridiculous that Tony thought that he could watch him for hours without getting bored. No, that wasn’t some sentimental bullshit, the sight of Loki was relaxing. Calming even. Nonetheless Tony would never watch him for too long. He quickly found himself something else to do, like working on his suit… and then he would ask Friday to transmit the audio from the living room. Yes, Tony had issues.

No flight to the workshop today. “You’re getting quite good at this.”

“Unfortunately I know not enough Midgardian songs… I am always running out of melodies to play.” Loki sounded honestly displeased with himself and Tony frowned. “What about Asgardian songs?”

“We aren’t particularly musical people…”

Tony jumped at the opportunity, it was almost pathetic how eager he was to help Loki out. Or to show him that he knew stuff. “Well, just ask Friday. I have the best music collection on the entire planet. From AC/DC to Black Sabbath, everything that you could wish for.”

Instead of telling him how awesome that idea was Loki merely nodded and went back to tuning his guitar. There was no reason to talk. They had spent plenty of time in the same room without saying anything at all. Silence between them had never been awkward. It was now. Well, for Tony. Loki looked totally comfortable.

“So, uhm… what do you want to eat tonight?”

“I thought about making meatloaf…”

“Nope, not going to happen. I’m going to cook.”

That had Loki raising his head. “You never cook.”

“Yeah, because you are doing it for free and quite well. So why should I bother?”

Loki frowned, slightly cocked his head and his hair was falling into his forehead. “You’re lazy, I know that. Why cook now? A bet that I forgot about?”

“No, I just feel like I doing it. Any wishes?”

Why was Loki still looking sceptical? Almost as if he doubted Tony’s abilities. “Do you even know how to cook?”

“I am a certified genius with three doctorates and most of cooking is basic chemistry. Yes, I do know how to cook. Screw it, I’m going to surprise you.”

“I hate surprises.”

“Don’t be a spoilsport. Dinner will be ready in an hour. Be ready to be amazed.” Tony winked at him what caused Loki’s frown to deepen. Oh, Tony would show him.

Even more motivated than before Tony headed for the kitchen. He was perfectly prepared for this. Despite Loki’s stupid prejudices Tony wasn’t a completely lost case in the kitchen, he was capable of making a casserole. The fucking best casserole that Loki was ever going to taste.

It definitely had to be better than Tony’s excuse for wanting to cook. How would that have gone down? ‘Hey, Lokes, I want to do something nice for you and show you what a date with me could be like before asking you on an actual date’. God, Tony missed the times when he had snipped his fingers and people were throwing himself at him. Who was he kidding, that was totally still the case, but those were people he didn’t care about.

With Loki everything was different. They were living together, so they probably didn’t have to go through that awkward phase where you were trying to get to know each other. No, they definitely already knew the most important things. Little things like almost the entire team walking out on Tony and one of his best friends more or less leaving him to die. Peanuts. Not that this mattered now. Tony was way more concerned with the fact that he knew that Loki had only ended up living with him, because his relationship had gone up in flames and that piece of shit boyfriend had given him a stab wound as a goodbye gift.

Rhodey was right, Tony had to work his way up to this. Sure, Loki liked him, but somebody with that history would probably not react too positively if Tony were just to spill the beans with something like ‘How about the next time we watch a movie we could cuddle a little bit and have sex afterwards?’. That wasn’t going to work out. Better show his interest in a more subtle way.

Subtly. Definitely not one of Tony’s fields of expertise.

After checking on the casserole Tony took a look at himself in the reflection of the polished stove. How had he ended up here? A couple of months ago he had been sitting alone in his penthouse with the lights off, watching old moving in the darkness. Not like he did now. For fun and giggles. But to fill the place with voices and life. Waiting for his broken rips to heal. The rest of him was never going to put itself back together. Not completely.

Now he was standing here, making casserole in an attempt to warm Loki up to the idea of going out with him. This was crazy. Sure, Tony liked him and he couldn’t deny that he enjoyed spending time with him immensely. Loki had his own issues. Probably worse than Tony’s. They were two fucked-up people. Tony had just got off the path of self-destruction and Loki…

Loki had walked into this world, wanting to destroy it. With madness in his eyes and a clear lust for murder. Could that really just go away?

Tony had seen and felt the best people doing horrific things. Completely turning around their entire identity and walk over their principles and their friends. So why shouldn’t be Loki be able to do the same thing.

Tony vividly remembered Loki lying on the roof, looking at the stars with that sad, melancholic expression on his face. And a stab wound in his stomach from his own boyfriend. No revenge plot or curses. Just sadness.

In his gut Tony could feel that searing anger forming when he thought about somebody thrusting that knife between Loki’s rips. The kind of anger that had made him realise that he cared in the first place. Otherwise he would have thought ‘Wow, Loki was dating an asshole’ and that would have been it. Like reading about some tragedy in the newspaper. You get over it very quickly.

Yes, Tony cared and this was all still completely crazy.

Loki had obviously gone through the worst break-up ever and Tony’s life had fallen apart a few weeks ago. Most importantly… it was still Loki. Tony must have lost his mind.

Eventually the casserole was ready and Tony supposed they still had to eat anyway. They had eaten together numerous times, so there wasn’t going to be anything special about this now. Putting their food on two plates Tony carried them over to the dining room and called Loki to join him.

“This smells good... I am still sceptical though…”

“Eat now, apologize later.”

Smiling softly Loki tasted the casserole and his judgement was positive. “I like it…”

No reason to feel ridiculously proud. “Glad to hear that.”

“Does this mean you’re going to cook for me now more often?”

“Nope, I just remembered that I hated cooking. You better enjoy it.”

Loki rolled his eyes, but it lacked any contempt. By the lithe curling of his lips Tony could tell that he was amused. Tony needed to get out of here tonight. Thankfully Loki didn’t ask where he was going when Tony left three hours later. Loki was lying on the couch, barefoot, legs crossed, reading a book. The sight of him made Tony want to sat down beside him, sink into the couch cushions and spend the night doing nothing. No, better run out as fast as he could.

Tony chose a bar he had liked to visit regularly couple of years ago. The drinks were still delicious and Tony just wanted to go home. Which was crazy since for a long time he had wondered when he would finally gather up the courage to get out of the house. Now he wanted to go back, not because he felt uneasy or overwhelmed. No, Tony had started to feel comfortable again at home. He shouldn’t ruin that.

Sighing deeply Tony reached for his phone and called Rhodey.

“Okay, what did you do?”

“Nothing, great that you immediately assume the worst. I am in a bar and… Okay, you need to give it to me straight. I have lost my mind, right? Not in the cute eccentric kind of way. Am I right?”

“Probably yeah… What did he say?”

“Nothing. I realised that I am crazy and I didn’t say anything…”

“Hmm…”

Tony hadn’t expected much, but this wasn’t a satisfying answer. At all. “Care to elaborate?”

“I guess I need you to elaborate first. Why did you change your mind? You seemed very convinced when you called me… while I was freaking out.”

“I guess… At the moment everything is… good. I feel generally good about myself, Avenger’s business is going fine enough and I didn’t really think that I would get to this point. I don’t really want to ruin this. Or make it awkward. I am probably so fucked up in the head that when a person is genuinely nice to me that I think I have to come on to them.” Pepper would have to have a lot to say about that probably.

At the other end of the line Rhodey chuckled. “You never came on to me.”

“That means that you’ve never been nice.”

“Because you didn’t deserve it.”

“Ha… I’ll be serious for once. You’re my brother. Loki is… there. I’ve never lived with another person without messing around with them. It’s stupid, I know.”

Now Rhodey was the one who was sighing. “Tony, I know things were bad. I’ve been there. Nonetheless you are old enough to know when you are attracted to someone or when you’re just trying to manipulate yourself and the entire situation. So what’s it going to be?”

“It’s not so much about that… I am out and I only want to go home, because I finally actually enjoy being there. And who the fuck am I kidding that has to do with him. Loki… Out of all people.”

“You’re worried that things could head down the same road as with them? I was worrying about that the day you brought him in, but… until now he has caused less trouble than them.”

“You should be talking me out of this, you know?”

“It’s not possible to talk you out of anything. Despite what a lot of people say, you have pretty good instincts. Trust them. You’ve already asked him to move in anyway. It can’t get much crazier.”

“You’ve been a great help as always…”

“You’ll be fine. Just keep calm and don’t do anything rushed… Sorry, for a second I forgot who I am talking to.”

 ***

Tony wasn’t very surprised that Loki was still on the couch, still reading that book when he came back. Opening his mouth to say good night Tony wanted to simply walk past him, but it didn’t work out that way. His heart wasn’t racing, that would be cheesy and ridiculous. It was a slight tingle. Most of all he was just at ease. Feeling better now that he was at home.

Fuck it. Of course this was crazy, but at some point Tony had to start trusting his gut again.

“Do you have a minute? I’d like to talk to you.”

“Yes, go ahead.” Putting his book away Loki looked expectantly at him and Tony sat down next to him. “I’ve wanted to ask you this for some time now, but I was kind of afraid that you would… I don’t know… rip me apart.”

Loki arched an eyebrow. “That’s not a good way to start a conversation.”

“I don’t think that it will be a pleasant conversation.”

“Then why have it?”

“Because I want to know.”

Somewhat intrigued Loki made a gesture that indicated Tony to go on.

Here goes nothing. This wasn’t going to be pretty. “Your ex… did you love him?”

The casual and relaxed state went directly out the window. Tony felt like he had just sucker punched Loki, judging by how suddenly his eyes went a little wider and his lips formed a straight line. Then again, Loki recovered very quickly. Not enough though to hide the underlying sadness. Now Tony was feeling like shit.

“Yes, I did and you are right. This is not a pleasant conversation and I don’t think I want to have it.”

“I am sorry, I just… I’ve never really talked about this although it’s pretty much the reason why you’re now living here… and I am curious. That sounds bad, I know.”

Loki slowly traced his fingers over the cover of his book. “Yes, it does. Understandable though. I guess I would be curious too. I’ve met him at a book presentation. I… The concept of being with a Midgardian had never even occurred to me. That’s what made it so strange. Or special. It definitely helped to get to know this place better. To appreciate it more. Until then… I was always on the edge of leaving completely. Another world, another dimension. I didn’t leave though, I got settled in… probably not as well as I should have. Or as I thought I had.”

“Why’s that?” Tony whispered, barely daring to make a sound while talking.

Loki didn’t look at him, he seemed far away. Very far away, probably with his ex-boyfriend. “I… was distant. Psychologically and physically. Sometimes I visited another world and… As much as I enjoyed his presence, his wit and his arrogance… Sometimes there wasn’t much too say. I couldn’t always find enjoyment in the things he wanted me to enjoy. Or even understand them. This isn’t my world and I know what lies beyond it. Sometimes I just need to get out, so I won’t feel locked in. He didn’t like that. I don’t think he understood…”

“Still no reason to stab you after a break-up… that he wanted.”

“He knew that the blade wouldn’t kill me.” Loki was quick to defend that dirtbag and Tony gritted his teeth. “He didn’t want to kill me. For him that was the only way he could hurt me.”

“That’s even worse. He had no right to do that… no matter if you were distant or wrapped around his neck the whole time…”

Lowering his head Loki shrugged. “I gave him the dagger to protect himself… I guess I wouldn’t have wanted to be with somebody who wasn’t willing to use it against me…”

“Are you…” Tony’s breath hitched. “Are you fucking serious? You give him something to make sure he’s safe and he attacks you with it? And you don’t fucking mind?”

Raising his head again Loki narrowed his eyes at him and the melancholy faded away. “Did I look like I didn’t mind? Did I give you that impression?”

“No, you…”

“I didn’t want to talk about this and I shouldn’t have. Good night.” Loki grabbed his book, got up and left. Tony wanted to call after him, but his throat felt suddenly too tight to press a single word through it. Their first fight. Great job.

The good news – Loki had actually fallen in love with a human being.

The bad news – Loki was now seriously pissed at Tony.

But what was wrong with this guy for even somehow respecting his ex for stabbing him with the dagger Loki had given to him? Tony definitely hadn’t felt the same way about the shield…

Shaking his head to get rid of the dark thoughts Tony stretched out on the couch. He instantly had other pictures in his mind. Loki from a few seconds ago. The sadness in his green eyes. Loki lying on his very couch, bleeding and Tony stitching him up. The same sadness. It wasn’t right to feel jealous, but Tony did. Somebody had to be important or they couldn’t evoke such a strong reaction. Tony fell asleep thinking about this.

 ***

Waking up to the smell of breakfast was nice. Remembering that had walked out on him was crushing. Groaning softly Tony sat up and he really should head to the bathroom first, brush his teeth and his hair. Make himself look presentable.

Instead of doing that Tony headed directly into the kitchen where Loki was eating pancakes. Had he made pancakes for his ex too? Had Loki learned to cook like that? With that stabbing asshole?

“I know that you didn’t want that and I’ve told you before… he is a fucking asshole for doing that. I started talking about it, because…” Tony took a breath and only now Loki was actually meeting his eyes. “… because I like having you here. Yeah, I said a lot about you being useful as an Avenger, but I’m talking about you being… here. This sounds stupid and we’ve had this before… I want to get to know you better and that guy is kind of the reason why you are to begin with…”

Too much? Well, Tony couldn’t fuck up things even more.

No, he definitely was still in trouble, Loki couldn’t be bothered to look at him. “I am here, because you let me be. Because you seemed to be able to let go of everything that has happened before I… showed up on your roof. I thoroughly enjoyed that… and now you decide to bring it all up anyway?”

Fuck, they really shouldn’t go into that direction. It was enough if one person was angry. “What? You are pissed off because I want to know stuff about you? In general? Why? I didn’t ask you about the fucking invasion or Thor or your dad, but about what happened right before you showed up here! Hell, we’re friends! Sometimes friends talk about stuff!”

At least that was enough to have Loki looking at him. In a way that made Tony’s skin crawl. “You are never going to learn your lesson, are you?”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Any reasonable person would know better after being beaten up and left for dead by their friends. Yet you cling to me, wanting me to fill the hole they left behind. I’m not going to do that. We are not friends, Stark.”

That was the old Loki, he was spitting venom, glaring at Tony as if he was an ant, which needed to be stepped on. Or at least he tried to. For one or two seconds he managed to get to Tony. Make him feel cold and abandoned, but then all the little details came back to him. Everything he had learned in the couple of weeks that Loki had been living with him. It helped him to look beyond the anger in Loki’s eyes.

“Now you are doing it. That’s the way you know you can hurt me. Why the hell do you want to hurt me?” Tony wouldn’t get loud or hysteric. Loki sure as hell wouldn’t trick him into believing that Loki still hated his guts. That wasn’t what was going on here.

“So you don’t want to be reminded of what happened to you.” Loki stated drily, almost dismissively. “But you still want me to go over it, explain it to you and then you criticize who I felt about the things that were happening to me. Is that fair?”

Swallowing softly Tony shook his head, realizing that he had once again wanted too much, too fast. The only way he knew how to do things. “No, it’s not… I’ll apologize for pushing you to talk about something that you don’t want to talk about, but you’ll take back that we’re not friends. Now.”

He could hear him releasing a soft breath and Tony immediately wanted to break the ensuing silence. It wasn’t necessary though since Loki eventually nodded. “Sometimes I happen to appreciate your company…”

There, the tingle. “Come on, you can do better. You were an asshole, I deserve something better.”

“Sometimes you are incredibly annoying . Like now.”

“Loki…” Tony crossed his arms in front of his chest and Loki rolled his eyes. “I like you… when you aren’t an annoying pain. Sit down, have some pancakes.”

For now that had to be good enough. Tony nonetheless smiled when he sat down next to Loki. Breakfast was a rather silent affair, but the comfortable kind. Loki was kind enough not to mention that Tony had slept on the couch, although he obviously had noticed.

“I’ve wanted to ask you something…”

Loki shot him a glance to show him that he was instant on high alert, but Tony shook his head. “No, I mean… I want to ask you a favour. “

“That would be?”

“Your list… of powers that you have. I know I was freaked out at first, but… I would like to see some of it. Would you mind showing me? Like… how you do it. “

A simple question and it got Loki to smile. “Now out of a sudden?”

“Sure… just go easy on me.”

 ***

Things were good and Tony was determined to keep them that way. They worked well together, as friends and roommates and Tony definitely wasn’t going to screw this up. Not because of some strange tingling sensation that Tony couldn’t put his finger on. Or that he was constantly looking forward to spending an evening with Loki on the couch.

They were both screwed up, there was no way to deny that. Loki perhaps more so than Tony and that meant something. Tony was willing to let it go.

At least until one afternoon when he found Loki asleep on the couch. An open book lying on his chest, hair covering half of his face, breathing softly. He was barefoot. Tony grabbed a blanket to spread it over him and then wondered if Loki could even catch a cold. Tony had no idea. All he knew was that he didn’t want to risk Loki getting sick. And that he wanted to put his arm around Loki’s waist and slip underneath the blanket.

Loki wouldn’t let him though, not yet anyway.

Tony wanted to brush Loki’s hair back, but he didn’t dare to, he might wake him up. So Tony softly touched Loki’s shoulder instead. Loki didn’t move.

With a decision made Tony got a piece of paper from his desk and began to write. The words for once coming easily.

_I have no clue how you do these kinds of things in Asgard and your experiences with the ‘human’ kind of way weren’t that great either. So I gotta try this my own way, which is going to make it weird. I want to take you out. Not now, I got it, it’s not the right time. It’s not going to be the right time for quite while…_

_But when the right time comes around I will ask you out. At least I plan to. Should I do that? Ask you out? If you think that’s the worst idea in the history of the universe, just let this note lie on the table where you found it. We’re not going to talk about it and everything will be fine._

_If I should take you out (which would be an amazing idea, because I am awesome), keep the note and I’ll do it when the time is right._

_Alright? Got it? Cool…_

_By the way can you catch a cold? Just wondering._

Tony put the note on the couch table and went to bed.

When he woke up the next morning Tony found an empty couch and an equally empty couch table. Loki was in the kitchen, making French toast. With a yawn that sounded bit like “Good morning” Tony sat down at the table and Loki greeted him with a nod. “No.”

“Huh?” Tony’s heart suddenly skipped a beat and Loki repeated that damned word. “No. I can’t catch a cold.”

Tony sighed in relief and he caught the ghost of a smile on Loki’s face before he turned back to the stove.


End file.
